Complete Makeover

So I had a fleeting idea - new year, a new start and a fresh blog. I thought of wiping the slate clean and setting up a whole new account.... because frankly, my enthusiasm died quicker than a 10 year old's crush on her cousin. No, not me, of course not me - I have principles and boundaries...those sorts of things.

So I'm going to accept that I wasn't as committed last year. But the pattern will change.

What's been going on? So I've been watching a lot of videos on youtube, the usual suspects pop up: charlieissocoollike, t4 interviews and clips entitled "how to sort out your wardrobe." I want to say I've been watching this as research. What do people blog or video blog about?

Fashion, jokes, self help and motivational talks, and oral hygiene. I'm not sure if I fit into any of these categories as writer. I read an article today about how we shouldn't label ourselves as gay or straight or bisexual because it is simply about attraction and being on a relative spectrum. I found this interesting.

There was also an article about the model elite and the model fanatic culture that's rising in the UK. More and more actresses are being traded for models to - well, model! How insightful! However dull this may sound a good writer - and the writer was good - makes the piece interesting. LESSON: I need to find my voice. Don't mock -this is a real issue.

Ok, it's now 10.30pm and I need to catch up on sleep.

speak soon

Keeping Diaries

I've just watched a documentary presented by the diarist Richard Grant on keeping diaries and what that means with regards to the writer's life. Note to self: look out for the diary of Joe Orton, Kenneth Williams, Erwin James, John Diamond and Rosemary Ackland. I found the presenter to be even more interesting than the people he was interviewing. He has kept a diary since the day he witnessed his mother having sex with a man that was not his father in the front seat of the family car. Grant was a child, sleeping on the back seat. Wide awake and traumatized, he wrote in his diary that which he could never mention to friends or family.

Do You Keep A Diary ? Is It A Waste Of Time?
Is It Self Indulgent? Why Remember Awful Things ?

I'm a little teapot

I received an earlier Christmas present from a cousin who will be abroad on Jesus day. I think it's a book. I think it's "The Colour Purple". I guess i'll find out on the 25th

What are you thinking ?

I was once told that the question , "what are you thinking? " is a fruitless one, because the moment one is confronted with such an abstract question - the answer which should be on the tip of your tongue, on the brink of your mind (quite literally), is more or less the hardest question to answer truthfully. It's not that we are hiding our thoughts from our company, (unless of course you're a 16 year old boy in which case it is in everyones best interest to keep your raunchy fantasies to yourself), but that our train of thought so frequently changes track that it's hard to keep up. And then when the question is popped, you are left half way between the original conversation you were having with yourself and the conversation which has just been started - its a bloody mess! Then you think - hmm, what was I thinking? I don't know. No- that's a lie, I do know. But she won't get it - it's too long to explain.
Or you might think - Why is she asking me? who cares ? Now I have to come up with something interesting/witty/funny or she will think I'm a characterless cow.
Here's the thing though - the best way to learn someone off by heart is by knowing what floats through their mind when they're alone, in silence - when they're their most honest, unmasked self ... right ??

So - No, it's not a fruitless question - and it's not a trick question either - I really do want to know ...

What are you thinking ?

Wow - it's been a while since I last clicked onto my Blog - but I'm back! Happier, Wiser and hopefully a lot more sparkly :) Since my GCSEs I've been spending my days dipping my feet into the magical lake at Hyde Park, travelling around London -imitating the city slickers of the Gossip Girl cast, and pretending that I'm a bejewelled mermaid - a red head of course!

Writing about how I feel in the present is what I enjoy doing the most! But instead of analysing (in this particular post)- im going to inject some magic into this already wonderful Sunday night.
The following idea was inspired by GalaDarling - whose blog is nothing short of pure love in a tub! If you haven't heard of her - YOU MUST google her right after reading this.

Minutes before Mermaid Mondays -( This is a section I hope to continue - a weekly addition every Sunday - in which I shall fire what I hope are pearls of wisdom/intriguing quotes( but which are most likely to be clichéd one-liners- slighty more useful than a turd).
nevertheless -1st attempt - wish me luck !


- MMM

- Be magnetic - attract like-minded mermaids!
- Strike a pose and make it your signiture stance
- When in doubt ...flash a smile - it can win over the coldest commuters
- Spend over 15 minutes thinking about how an incident made you feel today
- Write a letter on thick- parchment type paper in a runny ink -( you don't even have to send it)
- Document everyday - even if it's just "Hyde park picnic" on your annual calendar
- If you're a student - prepare for the next academic year ahead - buy stationary that makes you excited to work - that makes you feel sophisticated yet silly (spongebob squarepants pencil case with a heavy parker pen could work)
- Say goodnight to no-one in particular and wish the world "sweet dreams" !

-Mermaid Out ! x

Be In the present

Be aware

Be true

Get On With It

Reflection and "thinking time " are all well and good but when I have a paper due in for Tuesday, I sure as hell cannot afford to spend my precious time sculpting and honing my social skills. Sometimes I think of myself as socially inept...it's the perfect excuse for why I acted in such a manner or why I said what I said. But the truth is, I know exactly what I am doing. When I find myself out of my comfort zone, dealing with unfamiliar personalities, it's just easier to remain the casual outsider. But any of my friends can tell you that the term "casual outsider"does NOT describe me in any way. I am perhaps the exact opposite.

There are 2 types of people who you can be completely yourself around, without the slightest hesitation or reservation.
1) And this is perhaps the most obvious - Your closest friends.
These are the people who have grown up and are still growing with you...experiencing your doubts, fears, hopes and victories. These are the individuals you count on the most to hold your hand in the dark and to instantly sense what mood you are in after just one glance

2) The second group of people are complete strangers. They don't know you. You don't know them. The relationship is new and blank..
This leaves room for so much potential...there are no expectations or preconceptions. You may never even see this person again. Even if you behave like a clown, they have no right to judge you ... and even if they do ...so what ? If they like you, then it's a great bonus to your day!

It's the people in the middle, whom we are weary about. The people who we see on a regular basis but do not share a special bond with. Polite nods and "Hi, how are you"s are exchanged...but not because we care. But because its the right and formal thing to do. Recently, I have begun to care and I genuinely enjoy, talking to these "in between" people, in hopes that they may slowly ( and I emphasise this word, as it is a SLOW process... Unbreakable friendships are NOT built after a week's texting) ...join the sparkling, precious group of my nearest and dearest.
There is always hope. Always. Even when the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim or non-existant. Even if the "in betweeners" lack promise, believe in mankind. Know 0that people are innately inquisitive and empathetic. Hard outer shells can eventually be cracked, after much persistence.
The transition from acquaintance to friend will be obvious to you. When it happens for me, there is a look in the person's eye which tells me that there will be no power struggle, no awkward glances...just a pleasant interaction between friends. This expression is beyond words. It is the security and normality that you feel when you are in their company. It is neither exciting nor daunting. Nothing is expected of you within this relationship of complete ease ...except maybe the truth.

And now Ive gone off on a tangent. What I really wanted to say was that instead of spewing out my "how people work" theories...this weekend will be about Getting on With It. Just until Tuesday I need to concentrate on tying up loose ends such as coursework redrafts, french listening activities and Chemistry Revision. Setting myself realistic and achievable goals means that I feel a sense of achievement after a few days when I have finished said tasks. Until then, I will be Getting On with It and I will not let anything distract me.

Everything happens for a reason.
We may not be able to see the whole picture or the lasting benefit of it, but we should trust that GOOD comes out of everything.

Publish Post

We are here to Learn .
Failing is the refusal to get up when one has fallen. Nothing else.
Try harder, Work harder, Do what is right and just. Care for people. Mean what you say. Just Be. Smile . A lot. Talk about everything and nothing. Let yourself go. Do not filter what you vocalise.. say everything you want ( if it is appropriate and not completely STUPID.
None of this is real. Make what you want of this.