Thursday, 17 December 2009
I'm a little teapot
I received an earlier Christmas present from a cousin who will be abroad on Jesus day. I think it's a book. I think it's "The Colour Purple". I guess i'll find out on the 25th
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
What are you thinking ?
I was once told that the question , "what are you thinking? " is a fruitless one, because the moment one is confronted with such an abstract question - the answer which should be on the tip of your tongue, on the brink of your mind (quite literally), is more or less the hardest question to answer truthfully. It's not that we are hiding our thoughts from our company, (unless of course you're a 16 year old boy in which case it is in everyones best interest to keep your raunchy fantasies to yourself), but that our train of thought so frequently changes track that it's hard to keep up. And then when the question is popped, you are left half way between the original conversation you were having with yourself and the conversation which has just been started - its a bloody mess! Then you think - hmm, what was I thinking? I don't know. No- that's a lie, I do know. But she won't get it - it's too long to explain.
Or you might think - Why is she asking me? who cares ? Now I have to come up with something interesting/witty/funny or she will think I'm a characterless cow.
Here's the thing though - the best way to learn someone off by heart is by knowing what floats through their mind when they're alone, in silence - when they're their most honest, unmasked self ... right ??
So - No, it's not a fruitless question - and it's not a trick question either - I really do want to know ...
What are you thinking ?
Or you might think - Why is she asking me? who cares ? Now I have to come up with something interesting/witty/funny or she will think I'm a characterless cow.
Here's the thing though - the best way to learn someone off by heart is by knowing what floats through their mind when they're alone, in silence - when they're their most honest, unmasked self ... right ??
So - No, it's not a fruitless question - and it's not a trick question either - I really do want to know ...
What are you thinking ?
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Wow - it's been a while since I last clicked onto my Blog - but I'm back! Happier, Wiser and hopefully a lot more sparkly :) Since my GCSEs I've been spending my days dipping my feet into the magical lake at Hyde Park, travelling around London -imitating the city slickers of the Gossip Girl cast, and pretending that I'm a bejewelled mermaid - a red head of course!
Writing about how I feel in the present is what I enjoy doing the most! But instead of analysing (in this particular post)- im going to inject some magic into this already wonderful Sunday night.
The following idea was inspired by GalaDarling - whose blog is nothing short of pure love in a tub! If you haven't heard of her - YOU MUST google her right after reading this.
Minutes before Mermaid Mondays -( This is a section I hope to continue - a weekly addition every Sunday - in which I shall fire what I hope are pearls of wisdom/intriguing quotes( but which are most likely to be clichéd one-liners- slighty more useful than a turd).
nevertheless -1st attempt - wish me luck !
- MMM
- Be magnetic - attract like-minded mermaids!
- Strike a pose and make it your signiture stance
- When in doubt ...flash a smile - it can win over the coldest commuters
- Spend over 15 minutes thinking about how an incident made you feel today
- Write a letter on thick- parchment type paper in a runny ink -( you don't even have to send it)
- Document everyday - even if it's just "Hyde park picnic" on your annual calendar
- If you're a student - prepare for the next academic year ahead - buy stationary that makes you excited to work - that makes you feel sophisticated yet silly (spongebob squarepants pencil case with a heavy parker pen could work)
- Say goodnight to no-one in particular and wish the world "sweet dreams" !
-Mermaid Out ! x
Writing about how I feel in the present is what I enjoy doing the most! But instead of analysing (in this particular post)- im going to inject some magic into this already wonderful Sunday night.
The following idea was inspired by GalaDarling - whose blog is nothing short of pure love in a tub! If you haven't heard of her - YOU MUST google her right after reading this.
Minutes before Mermaid Mondays -( This is a section I hope to continue - a weekly addition every Sunday - in which I shall fire what I hope are pearls of wisdom/intriguing quotes( but which are most likely to be clichéd one-liners- slighty more useful than a turd).
nevertheless -1st attempt - wish me luck !
- MMM
- Be magnetic - attract like-minded mermaids!
- Strike a pose and make it your signiture stance
- When in doubt ...flash a smile - it can win over the coldest commuters
- Spend over 15 minutes thinking about how an incident made you feel today
- Write a letter on thick- parchment type paper in a runny ink -( you don't even have to send it)
- Document everyday - even if it's just "Hyde park picnic" on your annual calendar
- If you're a student - prepare for the next academic year ahead - buy stationary that makes you excited to work - that makes you feel sophisticated yet silly (spongebob squarepants pencil case with a heavy parker pen could work)
- Say goodnight to no-one in particular and wish the world "sweet dreams" !
-Mermaid Out ! x
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Friday, 23 January 2009
Get On With It
Reflection and "thinking time " are all well and good but when I have a paper due in for Tuesday, I sure as hell cannot afford to spend my precious time sculpting and honing my social skills. Sometimes I think of myself as socially inept...it's the perfect excuse for why I acted in such a manner or why I said what I said. But the truth is, I know exactly what I am doing. When I find myself out of my comfort zone, dealing with unfamiliar personalities, it's just easier to remain the casual outsider. But any of my friends can tell you that the term "casual outsider"does NOT describe me in any way. I am perhaps the exact opposite.
There are 2 types of people who you can be completely yourself around, without the slightest hesitation or reservation.
1) And this is perhaps the most obvious - Your closest friends.
These are the people who have grown up and are still growing with you...experiencing your doubts, fears, hopes and victories. These are the individuals you count on the most to hold your hand in the dark and to instantly sense what mood you are in after just one glance
2) The second group of people are complete strangers. They don't know you. You don't know them. The relationship is new and blank..
This leaves room for so much potential...there are no expectations or preconceptions. You may never even see this person again. Even if you behave like a clown, they have no right to judge you ... and even if they do ...so what ? If they like you, then it's a great bonus to your day!
It's the people in the middle, whom we are weary about. The people who we see on a regular basis but do not share a special bond with. Polite nods and "Hi, how are you"s are exchanged...but not because we care. But because its the right and formal thing to do. Recently, I have begun to care and I genuinely enjoy, talking to these "in between" people, in hopes that they may slowly ( and I emphasise this word, as it is a SLOW process... Unbreakable friendships are NOT built after a week's texting) ...join the sparkling, precious group of my nearest and dearest.
There is always hope. Always. Even when the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim or non-existant. Even if the "in betweeners" lack promise, believe in mankind. Know 0that people are innately inquisitive and empathetic. Hard outer shells can eventually be cracked, after much persistence.
The transition from acquaintance to friend will be obvious to you. When it happens for me, there is a look in the person's eye which tells me that there will be no power struggle, no awkward glances...just a pleasant interaction between friends. This expression is beyond words. It is the security and normality that you feel when you are in their company. It is neither exciting nor daunting. Nothing is expected of you within this relationship of complete ease ...except maybe the truth.
And now Ive gone off on a tangent. What I really wanted to say was that instead of spewing out my "how people work" theories...this weekend will be about Getting on With It. Just until Tuesday I need to concentrate on tying up loose ends such as coursework redrafts, french listening activities and Chemistry Revision. Setting myself realistic and achievable goals means that I feel a sense of achievement after a few days when I have finished said tasks. Until then, I will be Getting On with It and I will not let anything distract me.
Everything happens for a reason.
We may not be able to see the whole picture or the lasting benefit of it, but we should trust that GOOD comes out of everything.
We are here to Learn .
Failing is the refusal to get up when one has fallen. Nothing else.
Try harder, Work harder, Do what is right and just. Care for people. Mean what you say. Just Be. Smile . A lot. Talk about everything and nothing. Let yourself go. Do not filter what you vocalise.. say everything you want ( if it is appropriate and not completely STUPID.
None of this is real. Make what you want of this.
There are 2 types of people who you can be completely yourself around, without the slightest hesitation or reservation.
1) And this is perhaps the most obvious - Your closest friends.
These are the people who have grown up and are still growing with you...experiencing your doubts, fears, hopes and victories. These are the individuals you count on the most to hold your hand in the dark and to instantly sense what mood you are in after just one glance
2) The second group of people are complete strangers. They don't know you. You don't know them. The relationship is new and blank..
This leaves room for so much potential...there are no expectations or preconceptions. You may never even see this person again. Even if you behave like a clown, they have no right to judge you ... and even if they do ...so what ? If they like you, then it's a great bonus to your day!
It's the people in the middle, whom we are weary about. The people who we see on a regular basis but do not share a special bond with. Polite nods and "Hi, how are you"s are exchanged...but not because we care. But because its the right and formal thing to do. Recently, I have begun to care and I genuinely enjoy, talking to these "in between" people, in hopes that they may slowly ( and I emphasise this word, as it is a SLOW process... Unbreakable friendships are NOT built after a week's texting) ...join the sparkling, precious group of my nearest and dearest.
There is always hope. Always. Even when the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim or non-existant. Even if the "in betweeners" lack promise, believe in mankind. Know 0that people are innately inquisitive and empathetic. Hard outer shells can eventually be cracked, after much persistence.
The transition from acquaintance to friend will be obvious to you. When it happens for me, there is a look in the person's eye which tells me that there will be no power struggle, no awkward glances...just a pleasant interaction between friends. This expression is beyond words. It is the security and normality that you feel when you are in their company. It is neither exciting nor daunting. Nothing is expected of you within this relationship of complete ease ...except maybe the truth.
And now Ive gone off on a tangent. What I really wanted to say was that instead of spewing out my "how people work" theories...this weekend will be about Getting on With It. Just until Tuesday I need to concentrate on tying up loose ends such as coursework redrafts, french listening activities and Chemistry Revision. Setting myself realistic and achievable goals means that I feel a sense of achievement after a few days when I have finished said tasks. Until then, I will be Getting On with It and I will not let anything distract me.
Everything happens for a reason.
We may not be able to see the whole picture or the lasting benefit of it, but we should trust that GOOD comes out of everything.
Publish Post
We are here to Learn .
Failing is the refusal to get up when one has fallen. Nothing else.
Try harder, Work harder, Do what is right and just. Care for people. Mean what you say. Just Be. Smile . A lot. Talk about everything and nothing. Let yourself go. Do not filter what you vocalise.. say everything you want ( if it is appropriate and not completely STUPID.
None of this is real. Make what you want of this.
Petty or Pragmatic ?
For the past week, I've successfully avoided talking about the one thing which is more or less always on my mind. Yes, you've guess it...it's a boy. I've always thought that discussing a problem to death was the way to deal with it. It's commonly believed that "a problem shared is a problem halved".
However, now I have come to the conclusion that constantly picking at a situation only feeds the obsession. Obsession with work, obsession with time - ( or lack thereof) and in my case, obsession with a boy.
Over the last 5 days, the feeling of bitter disappointment has slowly faded, and in its place is acceptance and contentment. This is not proof of my majestic ability to "bounce back" but confirms the belief that steering clear of what is bothering you makes for a progressive healing process.
Here is where the process may fail. Today, I must attend a meeting in which I will be interacting with said boy. Although I doubt there will be any interacting...rather more awkward glances and half hearted smiles. Going tonight and seeing him could be compared to giving wine to a recovering alcoholic - although not as severe.
I'll let you know how it goes. And if need to spend an hour mulling over my thoughts in bed after the event, I will do just that. There is no shame in crying or incessant thinking. We do what we need to, to make ourselves stronger and happier in the long term.
However, now I have come to the conclusion that constantly picking at a situation only feeds the obsession. Obsession with work, obsession with time - ( or lack thereof) and in my case, obsession with a boy.
Over the last 5 days, the feeling of bitter disappointment has slowly faded, and in its place is acceptance and contentment. This is not proof of my majestic ability to "bounce back" but confirms the belief that steering clear of what is bothering you makes for a progressive healing process.
Here is where the process may fail. Today, I must attend a meeting in which I will be interacting with said boy. Although I doubt there will be any interacting...rather more awkward glances and half hearted smiles. Going tonight and seeing him could be compared to giving wine to a recovering alcoholic - although not as severe.
I'll let you know how it goes. And if need to spend an hour mulling over my thoughts in bed after the event, I will do just that. There is no shame in crying or incessant thinking. We do what we need to, to make ourselves stronger and happier in the long term.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
2009 WILL be a year of sparkling success and growth, regardless of however many mistakes I may make. One of my new year's resolutions, among others was to control my temper, since it has often proved to be very short. Irritation and unhappiness are emotions I wish not to deal with.
How we feel is up to us to decide. If we let that "B" grade in Biology or that daunting Pride and Prejudice essay ( yet to be written) gnaw away at our minds, then it becomes a problem .
But mistakes are made to ensure correction and improvement.
The "Worry Box" is a method I use to set aside my problems until it either naturally sorts itself out ( which in my experience tends to happen), or until I take action to tackle it myself. I simply scribble down a phrase such as, "Tell mum I got a Grade B in Biology" or "English A-level?", fold it up and pop it into the "Worry Box", ( which in my case is a silky make-up bag). Now that the worry has found a home, other than my chaotic mind, it need not be thought about constantly. Only when I wish to open the Box can its contents be thought of.
Here is an example of how the Worry Box has ensured peace and composure :
GCSE Mocks started on January 5th. I had already had a tear-filled break down over the phone to my best friend which made me realise how over-dramatic and petty I was being. To make certain that I would not completely "lose it" again, I wrote down several issues which I could, for the time being, do without: "Mocks-handle it", "No distractions", "Art supplies" etc.
Now, after mocks, I have quite happily discarded these scraps paper, having naturally dealt with each subject. I shall always keep adding to my Box until I feel I can cope by simply filing away each and every affair in the back of my mind.
I am trying to live by a few sayings and when I feel that I am pushed to the edge of my limit reciting these quotes truly help in calming my tremendous nerves.
Don't take yourself so seriously, no-one else does.
I am a sparkly princess and no-one can take away my tiara. ( And I understand if after that sentence you have lost all respect for my blog :) )
I am here to learn.
( There are various others which I shall comment about in more detail. I also intend to write about my basic understanding of economics, the book that I am currently reading : The Great Gatsby, "Love" at age 15 ( when I feel I am up for the challenge) and the structured revision I have started for my GCSE's. Fascinating, I know.
Till then, it's been a pleasure. G.
How we feel is up to us to decide. If we let that "B" grade in Biology or that daunting Pride and Prejudice essay ( yet to be written) gnaw away at our minds, then it becomes a problem .
But mistakes are made to ensure correction and improvement.
The "Worry Box" is a method I use to set aside my problems until it either naturally sorts itself out ( which in my experience tends to happen), or until I take action to tackle it myself. I simply scribble down a phrase such as, "Tell mum I got a Grade B in Biology" or "English A-level?", fold it up and pop it into the "Worry Box", ( which in my case is a silky make-up bag). Now that the worry has found a home, other than my chaotic mind, it need not be thought about constantly. Only when I wish to open the Box can its contents be thought of.
Here is an example of how the Worry Box has ensured peace and composure :
GCSE Mocks started on January 5th. I had already had a tear-filled break down over the phone to my best friend which made me realise how over-dramatic and petty I was being. To make certain that I would not completely "lose it" again, I wrote down several issues which I could, for the time being, do without: "Mocks-handle it", "No distractions", "Art supplies" etc.
Now, after mocks, I have quite happily discarded these scraps paper, having naturally dealt with each subject. I shall always keep adding to my Box until I feel I can cope by simply filing away each and every affair in the back of my mind.
I am trying to live by a few sayings and when I feel that I am pushed to the edge of my limit reciting these quotes truly help in calming my tremendous nerves.
Don't take yourself so seriously, no-one else does.
I am a sparkly princess and no-one can take away my tiara. ( And I understand if after that sentence you have lost all respect for my blog :) )
I am here to learn.
( There are various others which I shall comment about in more detail. I also intend to write about my basic understanding of economics, the book that I am currently reading : The Great Gatsby, "Love" at age 15 ( when I feel I am up for the challenge) and the structured revision I have started for my GCSE's. Fascinating, I know.
Till then, it's been a pleasure. G.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Why Start Now ?
Blogging, in my opinion has always been a job for the more committed and dedicated Internet user. It is a practice which I have deliberately put off for the last two years, out of fear that it would undoubtedly become yet another chore within my apparent, "stress-filled" life. However, ever the optimist, ( so I like to believe), I will start and hopefully continue blogging as a way of relieving and systematically working through my "problems".
Sixth Form Prospectus Booklets. A range of emotions, alongside anxiety and excitement are felt by pupils when given so much choice and freedom, after having the first 15 years of their life written out so precisely for them. We are told that this is the time when the spoon feeding stops and the self motivation and rigorous action planning must begin.
The thought of planning the next two years of my life within the next two months seems daunting, if not laughable. Neither my height, nor level of maturity help in deeming me an able body, to make such an important decision.
Does too much thought leave no room for spontaneous events in life?
Are we becoming so mechanical in the way we think that we are sabotaging any chance we have at a risky yet highly rewarding outcome ?
A-Level options are to be made by the 4th March. And until then I shall think and rethink my options up to point where nothing but a good sob will relieve me !
Sixth Form Prospectus Booklets. A range of emotions, alongside anxiety and excitement are felt by pupils when given so much choice and freedom, after having the first 15 years of their life written out so precisely for them. We are told that this is the time when the spoon feeding stops and the self motivation and rigorous action planning must begin.
The thought of planning the next two years of my life within the next two months seems daunting, if not laughable. Neither my height, nor level of maturity help in deeming me an able body, to make such an important decision.
Does too much thought leave no room for spontaneous events in life?
Are we becoming so mechanical in the way we think that we are sabotaging any chance we have at a risky yet highly rewarding outcome ?
A-Level options are to be made by the 4th March. And until then I shall think and rethink my options up to point where nothing but a good sob will relieve me !
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