For the past week, I've successfully avoided talking about the one thing which is more or less always on my mind. Yes, you've guess it...it's a boy. I've always thought that discussing a problem to death was the way to deal with it. It's commonly believed that "a problem shared is a problem halved".
However, now I have come to the conclusion that constantly picking at a situation only feeds the obsession. Obsession with work, obsession with time - ( or lack thereof) and in my case, obsession with a boy.
Over the last 5 days, the feeling of bitter disappointment has slowly faded, and in its place is acceptance and contentment. This is not proof of my majestic ability to "bounce back" but confirms the belief that steering clear of what is bothering you makes for a progressive healing process.
Here is where the process may fail. Today, I must attend a meeting in which I will be interacting with said boy. Although I doubt there will be any interacting...rather more awkward glances and half hearted smiles. Going tonight and seeing him could be compared to giving wine to a recovering alcoholic - although not as severe.
I'll let you know how it goes. And if need to spend an hour mulling over my thoughts in bed after the event, I will do just that. There is no shame in crying or incessant thinking. We do what we need to, to make ourselves stronger and happier in the long term.
There's something to be said about positive thinking. The more you dwell over this boy, the more awkward it will be. Write him off as part of your past, and move on with confidence that everything will work itself out. Remember, don't waste precious tears on some boy- who maybe doesn't deserve them anyway.
ReplyDelete~K
When Im dissapointed, its mainly because of a mistake that I made rather than what "he" did or did not do. The mistake is usually the fact that I allow myself to become so vulnerable. I trust people because I want to believe in them. My aim for this year is to maintain constant satisfaction. Whatever is said and done, I must stay true to myself and not let personal failures or victories determine my mood. My inner most core is truly happy and therefore I must find the good in everything. Thank you for your comment. Im so glad that someone is actually reading my blog. Gosh this post is very long indeed. How do you think I could improve my blogging technique ?
ReplyDeleteHow did your meeting go?
ReplyDeleteAhh.. well that meeting went well actually. I managed to maintain my composure and speak to him. I'm afraid I behaved rather TOO formally...but i'm on a learning curve..
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